Day 11: Describe Your Worst/Funniest/Most Embarrassing Date

There is a whole novel that cld be written on this though really increasingly over the years i have really backed off the dating life. I typically am not excited by wasting time with going on dates with pple i have no real interest or hope in. However back in the day when i did a lot of it there is one particular date ill never forget.... i was a few months pregnant and this weirdo kept bothering me for a date. So i said ok finally. We went to a pub so at somepoint before we had really spent more than id say 15 mins he excused himself saying he had to take a call. Well he got up i sat, and sat and sat and SAT! He never came back. Just as well i had a few coins i paid for the one drink he had said i cld order. I sat there for a while longer and cldnt believe wat had happened.

Eventually i just left the pub feeling like shit and honestly rethinking my life at that point.

That shit was both hilarious and sad. But oh well.....

Day 10: The Meaning of Your Name and How It Fits or Doesn’t Fit You

My name is a Zulu name for girls meaning they have multiplied. I was named after my paternal grandmother....

I don't really see how it fits into my life really other than that i was the first female grandchild, and i had a daughter as my first born. I dont really have a lot of women in my life as far as surrounding me so to me the name isn't as meaningful as maybe my daughter's name was when i named her. As i put a lot of time and thought to name her something that had meaning to me and my life when i had her. And it has held up since.

My own mother admitted repeatedly she wldnt have named me that had she had a real choice. It was more of a traditional respect thing

Day 9: Your Favorite Weird/Funny Single Behavior

I lovvvvve to lay down on my couch whenever im off work and watch Sappy love movies that fantasize on the happy endings of love eg Hallmark movies in particular! I can re watch them over and over and over again. They just make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Im obsessed with sex and the city :)

I have this weird interest in looking at homes online. I may neva afford half the houses i look at or the ones on million dollar listing but i just like to look :)

I love music. I appreciate all kinds. I love to dance. Dancing makes me happy and i feel like my soul is free when i let loose and do watever dance comes to my head.... i have no problem going out on my own anymore and just getting my dance on

I increasingly realize prefer to go out alone now in my single life. I feel i achieve exactly what i plan wen i leave my house and im not subject to anyone else's preferences. The funny part about this behavior is i lie to everyone wherever I'll be that "my friends are on the other floor" when in actuality im on a solo mission. If i have company i love to take my daughter out on our lil "trips" or lunch dates when time and funds allow.

Day 8: describe Five things that are most important to you in a future mate:

The 5 most important things to me in a future mate that i will no longer compromise are:
1) Honesty and genuinety ....from day one about a person's intent and life status
2) sensitivity - A person who takes my feelings into consideration and takes ownership for their actions
3) Compromise-  a person who realizes a relationship is a two way street. Two pple coming from two separate worlds trying to co mingle those into something together
4) Stability and Organization - a person who's life plan is in action and somewhat meaningful... gainfully employed etc.
If a parent, have your parental duties worked out, stable and reasonable to allow a third party. We are all parents.
Here also i expect to gain something from the union. To see a person add something to my life.
5) emotionally available and physically attractive:
I put these two together as sometimes i have confused the two in the past. Just because a person is physically attractive it never means that they are emotionally available to you. Lust is never the same as love.
I however cannot lie to a person i am not physically attractive to and think i can make it work. I am a sexual person, i want to be attracted to my mate. Have a well taken care of body, take care of your health, make effort to how u present urself attractively. I feel how u look on the outside is a reflection of how u feel about urself on the inside. That is what attracts me. If its all together we're good.

With the emotional piece i have learnt that just because you care or feel deeply for a person it never means a thing.  Those are YOUR feelings not theirs. They may never develop the love u want or yearn for.

I personally pray my next mate will at the very least let me know i am loved. It has been years since i have heard those three little words and it increasingly works on how u view love and your self worth with any situation. Its a silent rejection and leaves feelings of am i not lovable? ? If a person isn't willing to share their heart with me, then i have no business sharing mine with them. And i need to hear it. It's something i will expect to be said and be expressed genuinely.

Day 7: Where You Are in Your Life vs. Where You Thought You Would Be

This one is thought provoking.... i remember in college we did this timeline thingy where we wrote an outline of our life mao and where we were wanting to be at a certain point. At 20 the world was truly my oyster a and i was filled with hopes, aspirations, the wildest of dreams ... the couple things i rmbr writing on that paper was i wanted to be married and have kids by 25 and i wanted a good life..... fast forward 15 yrs later ( wow!!) I remember i always wanted to live in a metro city yadi yadi yara. Well i did get married at 21, we broke up when i was 23, went through a whirlwind of a relationship after that for almost 7 yrs then got dropped like a hit potato after i got pregnant. Anyway today on October 26, 2014, i am a mother, i do live in a metro city and i do have a decent job which i am working on trying to make into a career longterm. The relationship side to be honest hasn't changed THAT much. i am recently single again, and i feel burnt out. the only difference btwn who i was back then and who i am now is i really feel i have better foresight and ability to stop the self hate. Yes i think im a little wiser. I know exactly what i want and wen i see something is not resembling it i find strength to walk away. I am at a place where i want to see a change in the cycle if my life. I have lost a lot of friends, and really lead a life where i have increasingly become my best friend by accident.

Today   Marriage is no longer a priority. I aspire for attainable things that i feel are within my control like a career, a home a "kool" car, to educate my daughter in the best affordable manner. Guess what too?? I am actually doing it and making steps towards it. Yes i have got to a place where i am severely damaged internally due to bad relationships and my faith in love is no longer as strong as it was yrs ago, but i always find a way to move ahead even if initially i think i cant. Today i have found a deeper spiritual connection with which whenever my world feels like its falling apart i depend on to put me back together. I also find that today i am more honest to those who don't resemble who i am or who do me wrong. I have no problem removing toxic pple from my life even if it means periods of intense loneliness.

I feel like today i am more mature. I see life what it is and am no longer unrealistic in my expectations. I am still a single woman today, with hope and trust that like everything else God has given me that i hoped and prayed for, passion and adventure with love awaits me somewhere. I realize the process may take longer than i hoped but one day it will happen. Even if its alone. I have become more accepting of reality today.

One thing about me today is i never hide my feelings. Neither do i apologize for them.

Day 6: Sound off on the Quote, “Every Woman Has the Exact Love Life She Wants”

Personally i dont agree with this for my own life, as i would like that person i come home to everyday, that person i share my good moments with, that shoulder to cry on in my sad moments. As much as they say don't rely on fate or destiny or God's will, not all of us choose this single life. I have given endless tries to the love thing without discriminating however at this point im just burnt out. It may appear as though i now choose where i am at but in actuality life experience has got me to point where you no longer prioritize dating mainly due to the dread of disappointment. It doesn't at all mean thats what i want. Its just where life has got me.

Day 5: The Biggest Misconception You Think People Have About Single Life

The biggest misconception i feel people have about single life and in my case when you're a parent is that you're in that position because of a flaw..... not really, the bottom line is nobody chooses their paths and only the higher power dictates where you're at in life at a particular time. I have given love endless tries with no discrimination and been disappointed endlessly.  I have no lists i dont follow anyone's methodology, i allow whoever i meet and find desirable a fair chance as i get to know them. I open up to them and get to the person in front of me with an open mind.

I have come to the conclusion after so many let downs that u can't control life, or how people respond to you. All i can do is control How i react to it and to walk away if something doesn't feel right and remove the people that do not fit in what my life plan is or wld like to be.

That being said, being single is not a choice, it has nothing to do with me as an individual. I just believe with every person i meet im being moulded to be a better person for that final individual who stays. Even if its is myself.

Day 4:Your Biggest Fear as a Single Person

My biggest fear is never finding love   and living the latter days of my life alone cos we all now kids leave eventually. I also fear getting my heart broken again once i allow someone in. Like never getting the love returned and getting burnt. I find myself increasingly becoming more cautious of how dar i allow pple in and a lot of times i go into a situation half ass cos of that fear of rejection, abandonment and misuse of my love.

Day 3: Describe a Moment or Day When Being Single Was Really Awesome

This past Saturday when i had a date with myself!. Got my hair done, got dolled up in that little blackdress and told myself i was coming home with at   least one number for the heck of it. Well turns out i came home with 3 numbers and the guiltless, judgementfee partying was so much fun. I truly realized i am my own bff and i do make thibgs happen as i wish on my own. My fav artists were at the spot, got my dance on, and socialized. At the end of it all i came home to my warm comfy bed. Being single on this day wasnt a bad thing at all

Day 2: Describe a Moment When Being Single Really Sucked:

There's been numerous days i've broken down, felt sorry for myself, asked God why im having to go through this journey of life without that special someone like everyone else. One big one which always stands out and i can't ever forget was the day i was leavng the hospital with my daughter after i had her. It hit me at that moment when all our bags were packed that i was alone. I was about to walk out those hospital doors and go figure out how to be a parent to this little person ALONE. I cried so hard. Tears of pain... i wished i had that man waitng for me with flowers outside, i wished i was anticipating a cooked meal at home. That was not going to be the case.

Another day that stood out was the day i drove out of Indianapolis with my babygirl to move to DC in a 24" moving truck alone. U realize u are really doing life alone.

Anytime u face a trying time and u have nobody to offload or on the cntrary when something really good happens and you have nobody to celebrate with being single sucks ass

30 day blogging challenge

#TheSW30 Day 1: haven't had luck, am now lazy and discouraged by the "get to know process" to a point where honestly i've given up. I Always fear rejection&disappointment and i just go in with the same expectation that they really have no desire to keep me around, they dont take me serious. Almost like ive silently accepted that my fate is to be alone and relationships aren't for me due to the endless rejections I've endured from the many men i put hope in. George really crushed that again cos i was so open minded with him and it went unnoticed. So that is why im single.

I believe theres an energy i put put that makes men not take me serious
The true answer to this question at times depends on when u ask me though. Right now cos i just got out of something AGAIN the answer is everytime i find someone they remind me why i was better off on my own cos im tired of tryna understand men