Day 7: Where You Are in Your Life vs. Where You Thought You Would Be

This one is thought provoking.... i remember in college we did this timeline thingy where we wrote an outline of our life mao and where we were wanting to be at a certain point. At 20 the world was truly my oyster a and i was filled with hopes, aspirations, the wildest of dreams ... the couple things i rmbr writing on that paper was i wanted to be married and have kids by 25 and i wanted a good life..... fast forward 15 yrs later ( wow!!) I remember i always wanted to live in a metro city yadi yadi yara. Well i did get married at 21, we broke up when i was 23, went through a whirlwind of a relationship after that for almost 7 yrs then got dropped like a hit potato after i got pregnant. Anyway today on October 26, 2014, i am a mother, i do live in a metro city and i do have a decent job which i am working on trying to make into a career longterm. The relationship side to be honest hasn't changed THAT much. i am recently single again, and i feel burnt out. the only difference btwn who i was back then and who i am now is i really feel i have better foresight and ability to stop the self hate. Yes i think im a little wiser. I know exactly what i want and wen i see something is not resembling it i find strength to walk away. I am at a place where i want to see a change in the cycle if my life. I have lost a lot of friends, and really lead a life where i have increasingly become my best friend by accident.

Today   Marriage is no longer a priority. I aspire for attainable things that i feel are within my control like a career, a home a "kool" car, to educate my daughter in the best affordable manner. Guess what too?? I am actually doing it and making steps towards it. Yes i have got to a place where i am severely damaged internally due to bad relationships and my faith in love is no longer as strong as it was yrs ago, but i always find a way to move ahead even if initially i think i cant. Today i have found a deeper spiritual connection with which whenever my world feels like its falling apart i depend on to put me back together. I also find that today i am more honest to those who don't resemble who i am or who do me wrong. I have no problem removing toxic pple from my life even if it means periods of intense loneliness.

I feel like today i am more mature. I see life what it is and am no longer unrealistic in my expectations. I am still a single woman today, with hope and trust that like everything else God has given me that i hoped and prayed for, passion and adventure with love awaits me somewhere. I realize the process may take longer than i hoped but one day it will happen. Even if its alone. I have become more accepting of reality today.

One thing about me today is i never hide my feelings. Neither do i apologize for them.

Day 6: Sound off on the Quote, “Every Woman Has the Exact Love Life She Wants”

Personally i dont agree with this for my own life, as i would like that person i come home to everyday, that person i share my good moments with, that shoulder to cry on in my sad moments. As much as they say don't rely on fate or destiny or God's will, not all of us choose this single life. I have given endless tries to the love thing without discriminating however at this point im just burnt out. It may appear as though i now choose where i am at but in actuality life experience has got me to point where you no longer prioritize dating mainly due to the dread of disappointment. It doesn't at all mean thats what i want. Its just where life has got me.

Day 5: The Biggest Misconception You Think People Have About Single Life

The biggest misconception i feel people have about single life and in my case when you're a parent is that you're in that position because of a flaw..... not really, the bottom line is nobody chooses their paths and only the higher power dictates where you're at in life at a particular time. I have given love endless tries with no discrimination and been disappointed endlessly.  I have no lists i dont follow anyone's methodology, i allow whoever i meet and find desirable a fair chance as i get to know them. I open up to them and get to the person in front of me with an open mind.

I have come to the conclusion after so many let downs that u can't control life, or how people respond to you. All i can do is control How i react to it and to walk away if something doesn't feel right and remove the people that do not fit in what my life plan is or wld like to be.

That being said, being single is not a choice, it has nothing to do with me as an individual. I just believe with every person i meet im being moulded to be a better person for that final individual who stays. Even if its is myself.

Day 4:Your Biggest Fear as a Single Person

My biggest fear is never finding love   and living the latter days of my life alone cos we all now kids leave eventually. I also fear getting my heart broken again once i allow someone in. Like never getting the love returned and getting burnt. I find myself increasingly becoming more cautious of how dar i allow pple in and a lot of times i go into a situation half ass cos of that fear of rejection, abandonment and misuse of my love.

Day 3: Describe a Moment or Day When Being Single Was Really Awesome

This past Saturday when i had a date with myself!. Got my hair done, got dolled up in that little blackdress and told myself i was coming home with at   least one number for the heck of it. Well turns out i came home with 3 numbers and the guiltless, judgementfee partying was so much fun. I truly realized i am my own bff and i do make thibgs happen as i wish on my own. My fav artists were at the spot, got my dance on, and socialized. At the end of it all i came home to my warm comfy bed. Being single on this day wasnt a bad thing at all

Day 2: Describe a Moment When Being Single Really Sucked:

There's been numerous days i've broken down, felt sorry for myself, asked God why im having to go through this journey of life without that special someone like everyone else. One big one which always stands out and i can't ever forget was the day i was leavng the hospital with my daughter after i had her. It hit me at that moment when all our bags were packed that i was alone. I was about to walk out those hospital doors and go figure out how to be a parent to this little person ALONE. I cried so hard. Tears of pain... i wished i had that man waitng for me with flowers outside, i wished i was anticipating a cooked meal at home. That was not going to be the case.

Another day that stood out was the day i drove out of Indianapolis with my babygirl to move to DC in a 24" moving truck alone. U realize u are really doing life alone.

Anytime u face a trying time and u have nobody to offload or on the cntrary when something really good happens and you have nobody to celebrate with being single sucks ass

30 day blogging challenge

#TheSW30 Day 1: haven't had luck, am now lazy and discouraged by the "get to know process" to a point where honestly i've given up. I Always fear rejection&disappointment and i just go in with the same expectation that they really have no desire to keep me around, they dont take me serious. Almost like ive silently accepted that my fate is to be alone and relationships aren't for me due to the endless rejections I've endured from the many men i put hope in. George really crushed that again cos i was so open minded with him and it went unnoticed. So that is why im single.

I believe theres an energy i put put that makes men not take me serious
The true answer to this question at times depends on when u ask me though. Right now cos i just got out of something AGAIN the answer is everytime i find someone they remind me why i was better off on my own cos im tired of tryna understand men