STOPPING THE SELF HATE....

soooo, we all go though bad things don't we? bad things happen to good people yadi yadi yara. We always hear it. BUT when does it all stop???? WHEN? 6 years ago I went through a painful rejection that to say the very least SUCKED!!! sucked ass, big time. left me feeling less worthy and to say the least irrelevant to anyone.... Fast forward today, its been an interesting journey. There's been good situations, bad situations. There's been great people and awful people that have marched in and out of this life of mine. You give Trust to people, step out of your comfort zone to " try new things" and "give everyone a chance"... you hope for a different result. What do you do whent the result NEVER changes? or appears to never do??? I start to question is there an energy im putting out there- am I not deserving of this thing called Love??? so many burning internal questions. Today I have decided i am NOT going to do this to myself anymore. Yes we all have faults, we allmake mistakes, but NO we do not need to be punished repeatedly by earthly people for being human. If God can forgive us for our errors, then heck the rest of the world HAS to. I Have used several tools to get to this point today and its been a slow but upward forward mobile process to get to a point where pain is dealt with in a better way. Cos gues what pain will alays com st some point. I am learning to be aware of the triggers that send me back to past Habits: including social settings (yup who doesn't like to party!), that thing called alcohol, that darn cellphone, and the dreaded SOCIAL MEDIA!! I am learning to do things differently- I realize one of my biggest errors has been wearing my heart on a sleeve and jumping into a situation head first. You yearn for longevity so much that anytime u meet a person you simply want it to last longer than A DAY right?? well that clearly doesn't always happen. Learning to not make hasty decisions or reacting immediately. - its okay to take a time out and you owe nobody an explanation! I've set new goals for my life- the biggest being finding my inner happiness and self peace without anyone involved. Learning to NOT place expectations on humans. Cos you will get disappointed. the biggest no no is now NOT reminscing on the past. Its gone anyway right??? My main focus is the NOW of things. I'm learning to remove the past from my future and stoping this "worst case scneario" trend of thought in my life. As we know the future is unwritten. I am learning from past errors and furthermore exploring the source of my reactions.... of which the immediate answer i have is FEAR. of what?? the UNKNOWN. but the question becomes do we have the right to even dwell on what we don't know? cos nobody has the answer. Its simply a cruel way of operating to oneself, that prevents us from enjoying the now of things. I had a very enriching conversation last night with a person I have never met- she said to me when you are going through rejection or disappointment, focus on the things that u like because this is the time you feel the worst about yourself. even if its for 10 mins- DO IT. the last thing you want to do is be hard on yourself during this time. In my case i LOVE music, i lOve to dance, i love to laugh, i love to do interesting things with my hair, I LOVE to travel... so why not do just those things? WHY NOT???