Two months ago i had a lot of stress, anger and confusion. I NEEDED clarity, i NEEDED to feel love, i was insecure, i was needy. My self esteem was lost completely. I felt like the company i kept thought less of me, cldnt claim me, i felt i had to become someone else to be accepted fully. I was irresponsible with my drinking and am paid for it.
Fast forward today, i have learnt to take time for myself. Once a week i take an evening of relaxation and reflect on nothing for the heck of it. I have allowed myself to feel all those negative feelings till i got tired of feeling them and HAD to shift that.
My eagerness to party is next to nil. I really don't drink anymore. I will have one or two celebratory drinks with family or friends but its no longer my thing. I have genuinely began to enjoy my own company and men are no longer a source for my happiness. I am shifting from holding onto past hurts to simply leaving it to God and praying. I am learning to listen whenever communicated to. I take ownership of my faults, and mosy importantly i feel more love for myself.
The very fact that i have reared from sexual needs means spiritually i am reclaiming my soul. It took my being violated by someone i loved to realize my soul is special. I am learning to do things for ME again. To do everything i want when i want, even reclaiming past personal goals, big, small or stupid.
I feel that truly my soul has grown to a whole different level.
I have lost friends, realized those i thought were friends really weren't and have found a new appreciation for the real pple in my life
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