CHEATED ON- the last time.

He was in Germany with that woman. She confirmed. Something made me look on her IG page. she was posting subliminal messages obviously to mock me. As usual he denied, mocked me threatened with some BS about what i got on you you will hate yourself- ok kool. I have been so pure with this guy past year. I wanted to cheat to make myself feel better but never happened. only thing he may have is the DC thing wich is part of life. its done so whateva. and again he was behind it. I learnt my lesson.

bottom line is i was battling myself since vegas. for me that took me to the pit. the bottom of my limits. I wasn't feeling right and I can't see myself being happy with him again after that. There wasa block in my heart. He betrayed my trust again and the way i feared he would. then Germany. i dont care what he says- he was with her.too many discrepancies. and even IF he wasn't sleeping with her- how did she get the kids bday cake pic? He felt it was ok to carry on the friendship; against my respect right? no more. then she insulted me, in all sorts of ways. Its ok. know who I a. those words are what will make me stronger, I need no part in all of that. it took all of this low down to get there but i WILL be strong this time.
Im kind of numb but lifemust go on.

even if i never date again, its better than to be with someone who walks all over you and does things that demean you.

i kept digging cos something was off- the constant speech, the hiding of my presence in his life, the cards, phone always buzzing middle of night. Then i had hard prrof. Him calling eneida, max int he room. card from christina alva. I wasn't crazy. I wanted to trust him but he wasn't trustworthy. its so bad i dont even wish him good right now. lord help me.

i feel like ive lost my focus generally. Thats what i want back. Me.

this week:
no social media
work out
schoolwork
get back on tv shows