Wednesday, August 16, 2017

day 6- so many emotions

Why do I feel bad? Why do I even care? I ACTUALLY wonder if he gets why I walked away? that it wasn't an instant decision. That hearing "I'm not ready" conversation after conversation every few months left me with nothing to fight for. What he got to know of me after 4 years was never changing. I had shown all sides of me.

He was never going to be ready. I could have came on a silver platter- he was NEVER going to want to give me more than "now". When I think of that my heart sinks. I feel regret. I question life, I question myself. Was I stupid for keeping a hope alive? who knows.

All I know is the answer was just never changing. I do not ever want to know about his future relationships either. I gave way too much to him.

all I pray for now Is that definitive relationship finally. A relationship where one day I can:
post pics of us anywhere
can all a man my boyfriend with confidence
can attend functions with my man hand in hand
make real asset moves together
to have financial support from him
to never question if he will be there tomorrow even if we fight
to get to know his parents, and have them show my child love
if he has kids to meet the baby's mother and have  a cordial relationship
***To know and trust the love he has****

to never feel like a 3rd wheel!!!

Image result for if i could get that true happy love

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