Day 17: What Are Your Spiritual Beliefs and How Do They Impact Your Relationships/Relationship Status?

I believe in God, i believe He never puts us through anything we cannot handle. I also believe that God puts pple in our lives for a reason even though that reason may not be welcomed. I also believe anything worth having is worth fighting for. Through daily prayer over the years i have seen God provide me with EVERYTHING i have ever badly asked for whether it was right when i asked or in His own time.

That being said my beliefs have enabled me to accept people as they are brought into my life. Yes at times it has been a painful experience but once i open my heart up, i believe God put them there and so i always try to make the situation work whatever challenges may come with it. Sometimes it has been worth it, a lot of times obviously it hasnt as i am still single and constantly being heartbroken. I have also come to realize that no matter how much love you feel for someone, that may never be reciprocated and its ok to say to God i did my best, please help me move on. I have come through very disappointing and painful situations repeatedly, giving more than i get back and a lot of it has been due to my belief that Love exists. I dont give up, cos God says never give up. I have also learnt how strong i am as an individual when i look back at my life experiences. I always find ways to heal myself spiritually and i can honestly say i have never fallen apart.

I also feel that due to my open acceptance and open heart to people, i have been blessed in other ways, not necessarily in love so far.

My Dream

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Day 16: If You Planted a Time Capsule Right Now To Be Opened in 20 Years, What Would Be In It?

Mmmmmm 20 yrs. Thats a hella good one.

Well I'll put the things i hope to achieve so here goes:
Ill be a happily married woman with probably another little one
Living in a cute home
Driving a Mercedes Benz C-220
Working as an Analyst or Financial Associate
Living somewhere in south Florida
Shami in College (preferably Georgetown or Notre Dame)
The little one in a catholic school somewhere

These are basically my dreams and hopes that i am now aiming to achieve and 20yrs is a good amount of time to make it all happen.

Its kinda scary when u think of the mortality of life though. But hey thats part of our existence.

Day 15: Narrate a Conversation Between You and Someone Who You Never Had Closure With

Its a girlfriend i used to roll with a lot when i moved to my now homecity. We had a stupid falling out over......yes a man who none of us can even ever claim. She maliciously accused me of something and went so far as to admit to gossiping about the accusation.

This past saturday she hit me up trying to come up with a "party move" its just not the same. The conversations are very one word. I just reaponded politely and let the conversation simmer. I feel like her window of opportunity to make things right passed and it had become an increasingly exhaustive friendship. For a couple months i missed our fun moments as she truly was the only person i had known when i moved, but i think her season was up. I thank her for introducing me to sooooo much in the social scene locally but i think it was time for me to use my own wings and fly solo.

There's been many lonely moments cos i have nobody to really joke with or a constant drinking buddy the way me and her were, but life is moving on. Ive become my own roll dog and i know eventually ill meet new pple who probably will be a better fit for my life.

We have never discussed what took us south. I chose not to as i feel her malicious accusations were a reflection of what she had always thought of me.

Day 14: Describe the Last Moment You Felt Really, Truly Blissful

On 09/26/2014--- on the beach in south beach Miami under the sunset with nothing but the ocean waves and the sky and the person i cared for a lot.... that was one moment when i truly felt like the world halted for a few hours. We enjoyed the ocean swimming, then we laid there quietly with our music and liquor. It was complete utter bliss at a much needed moment.

Moments that one always treasures. Particularly when things go south. There's always something better and memorable to remember

Day 13: Describe How You Met the Last Person You Texted & Talk About Your Relationship

The last person i texted was The person i now call Selfish_insensitive..... we met at a club when i was randomly on one of my solo dates.... fast forward months later initially this person felt like the missing link in my life, the soul mate id been praying for, the answer God gave to my prayers. I thanked God daily for having met this person. The friendship felt right.... today i Increasingly i question God on this. This person has treated me with such insensitivity that at times i look back and ask myself wasn't i better off before.

They say never live your life regretting however when a person takes you down a familiar road that feeling is hard to disregard or ignore.

I have endlessly attempted to remove myself from his life and he finds new selfish hurtful ways to worm himself back in.

We have had some great times socially. However the emotional turmoil is increasingly becoming something i feel i can do without the entire friendship. It messes with my life flow. It creates insecurities, anger and it invokes immense pain.

My last text to him was to ask him to kindly either come at me correct or please stay out of my life.

Day 12: What is Your Proudest Accomplishment?

Being a single mother...
I have surpassed all odds, made things hppen many struggle to, made it through immense heartbreak and rejection, financially there has been truly unbelievable lows. God however and my strength and perseverence has got me through it and still does.

Its the one thing i can truly say i have been successful at. My baby was never a problem child, i figured out schedules from day one and truly all i have planned and hoped for her has happened. Everywhere i've been ive been blessed to meet people who have made the process seamless. I am able to have an active social life when finances allow as i consistently have been blessed with a reliable, affordable and trustworthy network of babysitters. This has definitely allowed me to live what i can truly say is a full life that many single mothers aren't able to experience. The biggest plus is my baby has never been one to have issue with the several carers ive placed her with.

I successfully got her through daycare, potty trained. On a sleep schedule and she does good in school so far and moreover i cannot say i have behavioral issues with her at all

Single parenting, and mothering as a whole as been my greatest accomplishment.

I sometimes wonder or silently hope i can experience the childbirth experience again conventionally with a companion. But it truly isn't a priority as i am happy with the one child God healthily blessed me conventionally ESPECIALLY given my health and all odds associated. I have got to fully experience what it is to be a woman.