Day 24: If you could relive ONE day of your life, what would it be? And would you change anything?

The ONE day (in my relationship life) that i would love to relive would be 09/26/2014. I was in Miami. Me and the guy i was seeing spent all day in the hotel room together. We then went to south beach, had lunch, then went onto the beach. We swam in the ocean together, we laid on the beach for about 3hours under the sunset. I gave him a massage, gave him head (:) he fell asleep. After that we bought liquor went back to our room, played music. He danced i danced. It was like the world had stopped that day....those are the moments about that situation i wished were going to be relived again forever. That day was truly surreal.

The one thing id change about that day is the stupid fight we had at the end of the night. He got mad that i took a selfie of him while he was passed out. He thought id post it on social media. I honestly wld have never done that. It was just for fun. That spoilt the test of our stay and we hardly spoke till a couple days after we got back separately.

Little did i know that was the beginning of the real end. I changed my IG page after that, i stopped taking pics of him after that. It just started to make me question why he didn't want to claim me publicly. It really became the final pivotal point for me when i think about it.

Day 23: Talk about a moment when you got annoyed with a married friend, a person in a relationship, or a person with kids (Be honest! No judgment!)

Lol this is funny. A couple days ago a friend of mine texts me and asks if i can keep a secret. So here i am wallowing about my break up and it really wasn't my better days. So im like sure what. She is married by the way. So she's like im expecting a baby, im 14 weeks! For some reason i got sooo annoyed. I asked myself so what do u want me to do with that information? Throw u a baby shower? Blow a whistle? It just wasn't the happy news i wanted to hear at that moment given my own personal failings in love.

I did congratulate her however. What cld i do? Lucky her.

My best friend a few days prior had sent me pics of gifts her man sent her. I got so sad. This man wants to marry her, travels borders for her. I thought why cant i get that man too? The man who wants me for the longterm? The man who accepts me for who i am. The man who stays.

Day 22: What fictional character in a movie or tv show do u identify with?

Carrie Bradshaw in sex and the city... i believe i am her because i am on the unscripted path searching and hoping for love. Believing one of these men i meet will be the love of my life with whom i will overcome numerous obstacles with as means to our everlasting love like her and Mr. Bigg.

I take let downs in love super hard too.

I am also a loyal friend, who even though i may have a messy twisted meaningless lovelife a lot of times, i am always happy and excited when my friends find it.

I like what i like and when i go for it i indulge like she loved shoes and to her purses.

Day 21: How would you pitch a reality show about yourself? To what network

I would make it about single parenting and chronicle the real life of a single mother. From dating, financial, social as well as emotional issues. I feel there isn't enough material out there as a resource to really give a clear picture of what the reality of single parenting is. Id have several other women or men be part of it.

Id have it on Bravo.

Day 20: describe your most difficult break up and what you learnt from it?

I want to say the one when my daughter's father abandoned me at pregnancy, although i am going through another devastating one right now... ill address both.

With the first one he was cheating on me the entire time. I cheated on my husband with him, and he made this noise about how we were meant to be together. It was a whirlwind of cheating the whole time.....
Anyway the final end was exactly how it was going to end. In major heartache. The rejection was horrible, the humiliation i felt watching him move on in my face when i struggled with his baby. I lost friends. His family rejected me. It sucked. To this day he trauma of that abandonment still rests within my soul. I still fear every man will leave me. I dont know if love exists for me.

My biggest lesson with him was just because you love someone it never means that love will be returned. I also learnt just how strong i am. It was a VERY difficult few yrs for me. but i found a way to move on and forgive and let it GO. I accepted my life as it existed.

The recent one didnt involve cheating however it was a lot of emotional manipulation. I am soooo broken. I have regrets. I hurt. I feel like i wasted my time amd energy.

What i learnt this time round was when they show u who they are initially believe them. The very first time he went to Florida with his "ex" and wasnt in touch for days i should have known to walk away. He was a selfish bully. Its not enough for a man to have an impressive resume or material things. Love is a feeling not hard to feel if its real. I capitalized on a wish. Nothing about that guy was deep. Anytime i expressed pain, he wrote it off and turned it around and demeaned me. Just believe them when they show u who they are. Security in a relationship should never have to be begged for. If u find urself there walk away cos that person will write u off for anything. Today i believe i had a drinking problem because of something he said to me. I believe im not lovable cos of his actions. Just believe them.

No relationship without security will last. That was my biggest lesson. I will never sacrifice for love ever again. My home will forever be off limits until someone makes. Me feel safe. I am tired of being ran all over. Again i learnt love will not always be returned. Just be cautious who u let into your life. This time round i know not to bring anyone around my child anymore and to simply respect myself more. Love is nothing one needs to ever chase.

Those have been my harshest lessons 

My self esteem is completely down the drain cos of the way he just presented how ridiculou . I was in the alcoholic outburst i went in. That wasn't me. But he chose to hold onto that to be his reason for walking away. The bottoom line he got joy out of putting me down and its been horrible. I know who i am and at the end of the day of someone can't forgive a wrong, the love was never strong. I meant no hurt. 

Day 19: What is something about you that people would be surprised to learn?

My health condition. I don't talk about it, its none of anyone's business because bottom line is im fine. Its a part of me but by no means who i am. I have no desire to be judged or to have the world worry about me, hence only the relevant professionals are aware of it. I do what i am supposed to to maintain mu wellbeing and have such a positive attitude there's no need to mess with that .

I have this talent for doing hair. 95% of the time the hairstyles i have i do myself. I really believe that is a gift God gave me and i sometimes think about developing it. I just dont have the right resources or assistance to embark on that. It comes so naturally to me and most pple think i pay for my hair. I may the first time then i can attempt it myself usually.

Day 18: if you could have a conversation with yourself in high school what would it be?

If i could go back and converse with my high school self (around 1996 to be precise) the conversation would be:

"Love yourself. Men do not complete you. There is nothing that a man will give you that you cannot give yourself except stress and diseases. Wait for sex. It is not that serious. Just because your friends are doing it doesn't mean you have to. You know your value. Keep it. Obey your parents. Do npt eny what your friends claim to be the kool life. Your life is cool enough staying at home and doing what keeps you safe. Always hold onto your faith. You want to be a doctor. Pursue that dream. Do not let anyone tell you you cannot do it. Yes u can. "

This made me choke up.....

If i could redo life. But is it really too late???mmmm