I want to say the one when my daughter's father abandoned me at pregnancy, although i am going through another devastating one right now... ill address both.
With the first one he was cheating on me the entire time. I cheated on my husband with him, and he made this noise about how we were meant to be together. It was a whirlwind of cheating the whole time.....
Anyway the final end was exactly how it was going to end. In major heartache. The rejection was horrible, the humiliation i felt watching him move on in my face when i struggled with his baby. I lost friends. His family rejected me. It sucked. To this day he trauma of that abandonment still rests within my soul. I still fear every man will leave me. I dont know if love exists for me.
My biggest lesson with him was just because you love someone it never means that love will be returned. I also learnt just how strong i am. It was a VERY difficult few yrs for me. but i found a way to move on and forgive and let it GO. I accepted my life as it existed.
The recent one didnt involve cheating however it was a lot of emotional manipulation. I am soooo broken. I have regrets. I hurt. I feel like i wasted my time amd energy.
What i learnt this time round was when they show u who they are initially believe them. The very first time he went to Florida with his "ex" and wasnt in touch for days i should have known to walk away. He was a selfish bully. Its not enough for a man to have an impressive resume or material things. Love is a feeling not hard to feel if its real. I capitalized on a wish. Nothing about that guy was deep. Anytime i expressed pain, he wrote it off and turned it around and demeaned me. Just believe them when they show u who they are. Security in a relationship should never have to be begged for. If u find urself there walk away cos that person will write u off for anything. Today i believe i had a drinking problem because of something he said to me. I believe im not lovable cos of his actions. Just believe them.
No relationship without security will last. That was my biggest lesson. I will never sacrifice for love ever again. My home will forever be off limits until someone makes. Me feel safe. I am tired of being ran all over. Again i learnt love will not always be returned. Just be cautious who u let into your life. This time round i know not to bring anyone around my child anymore and to simply respect myself more. Love is nothing one needs to ever chase.
Those have been my harshest lessons
My self esteem is completely down the drain cos of the way he just presented how ridiculou . I was in the alcoholic outburst i went in. That wasn't me. But he chose to hold onto that to be his reason for walking away. The bottoom line he got joy out of putting me down and its been horrible. I know who i am and at the end of the day of someone can't forgive a wrong, the love was never strong. I meant no hurt.
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