This one is thought provoking.... i remember in college we did this timeline thingy where we wrote an outline of our life mao and where we were wanting to be at a certain point. At 20 the world was truly my oyster a and i was filled with hopes, aspirations, the wildest of dreams ... the couple things i rmbr writing on that paper was i wanted to be married and have kids by 25 and i wanted a good life..... fast forward 15 yrs later ( wow!!) I remember i always wanted to live in a metro city yadi yadi yara. Well i did get married at 21, we broke up when i was 23, went through a whirlwind of a relationship after that for almost 7 yrs then got dropped like a hit potato after i got pregnant. Anyway today on October 26, 2014, i am a mother, i do live in a metro city and i do have a decent job which i am working on trying to make into a career longterm. The relationship side to be honest hasn't changed THAT much. i am recently single again, and i feel burnt out. the only difference btwn who i was back then and who i am now is i really feel i have better foresight and ability to stop the self hate. Yes i think im a little wiser. I know exactly what i want and wen i see something is not resembling it i find strength to walk away. I am at a place where i want to see a change in the cycle if my life. I have lost a lot of friends, and really lead a life where i have increasingly become my best friend by accident.
Today Marriage is no longer a priority. I aspire for attainable things that i feel are within my control like a career, a home a "kool" car, to educate my daughter in the best affordable manner. Guess what too?? I am actually doing it and making steps towards it. Yes i have got to a place where i am severely damaged internally due to bad relationships and my faith in love is no longer as strong as it was yrs ago, but i always find a way to move ahead even if initially i think i cant. Today i have found a deeper spiritual connection with which whenever my world feels like its falling apart i depend on to put me back together. I also find that today i am more honest to those who don't resemble who i am or who do me wrong. I have no problem removing toxic pple from my life even if it means periods of intense loneliness.
I feel like today i am more mature. I see life what it is and am no longer unrealistic in my expectations. I am still a single woman today, with hope and trust that like everything else God has given me that i hoped and prayed for, passion and adventure with love awaits me somewhere. I realize the process may take longer than i hoped but one day it will happen. Even if its alone. I have become more accepting of reality today.
One thing about me today is i never hide my feelings. Neither do i apologize for them.
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